I never really understood the idea of diaries.  I had one when I was a little girl, a red marble, thick volume that was smaller enough to tuck in a pocket, it locked with a little gold key. 

For a while I kept a much more confessional journal online, which was really more to capture images and to release feelings than to tell you about my daily life, and then people I see often in my every day, offline life joined and the posts stopped.  It became less comfortable.  I felt like I was worrying people without cause.

I am not really much of a writing journal girl.  I make notes, I writes bits, but not daily, not like “they” say you are supposed to.

I used to grin when people made fun of famous diarists like Samuel Pepys, who seemed to write everything down – from meals to, well, everything – with complete honesty and abandon.  Who cares, I thought, except as an interesting diary for social historians?

But now, I get it.  All those paragraphs to explain, I get it.

I wonder how many of these diaries that talk about food and how many times they had sex or whatever were not about remembering for their own posterity, but about accountability?   Data collection?

I have decided not to diet, so much as to try and overhaul my general lifestyle.  I want to balance my love of life (and eating neat stuff when I want to and drinking a million cups of tea) with being able to fit into my pants.  And I don’t remember to do things, or if I do things, when/if I did them. 

So, the post it’s of last post.  (Which, as I do things, I realize I want to add and subtract what I want to make myself do in a day.  What the goals I need to hit are.)

I created the post its as a check list of things so that when I look back at the week, I can see how good I did.  Did I drink enough water?  Did I do marketing/social media things to help people want to read my books?  Did I work on writing the next book?

Did I do things to make myself happy and balanced as a human, like craft?  Did I walk at least so many miles this week? 

Am I actually moving forward, or am I letting life overtake me?

What am I eating?  If I eat breakfast, do I feel better during the day?  If I go to sleep at 10:30 every night for a couple of weeks, does it really make me feel better as a whole?

So I wonder, do people keep such detailed diaries not, as people who like to mock other people would have you think, because they are full of self importance or is it so that they have a guide to help them understand the cause and effects of their lives?

So yeah.  Fixing my life.  Uphill battle.  Now to write a little fiction.  🙂  


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