So, it’s the first day of the semester.  I’ve always lived by the academic calendar…I’ve never really escaped academia, so today feels like the first day of the new year, rather than the first day of the fall semester.  Somehow the first day in January doesn’t feel all that special.  Most of the fencers have dropped in to say hi, so that makes things kind of extra nice.  I did miss them.

I am pleased about the fact that I feel very calm…for the first time in a long time I feel like everything is OK and settled.  I was told by my boss that it’s not the destination, but the journey that counts, and while I believed him, I’ve been having a hard time going with that until just now.  Of late, whether it’s fencing or some other nonsense, it’s almost like I wanted to rip out whole chapters of my life just so I could skip to the end and find out what’s going to happen.  I just wanted to know how things would turn out, and have the comfort that the pain would be worth it.  But then I’m missing all the experiences that come with the journey.  And really, the outcome is worth waiting for…the best things in life, the most worthwhile, always come with a price.   So I just have to be patient, work, and live and be happy.

I had a brilliant Saturday at the Children’s Crusade event.  It was my first event where I served as a guard, so I stood behind her highness and looked serious while we watched the Baronial Championships for fencing, then, later, I took a turn standing near her at court and during feast.  I haven’t slept a night through since…Wednesday?  So I wasn’t planning on staying for feast, I just wanted to play and go home, but a group of lovely people wanted me to stay, so I did, and was glad…feasts in the SCA can be wonderfully sumptuous, and I was glad both to be able to serve (standing near her Highness for fifteen minute intervals does wonders, because you can digest between courses) and just to be able to hang out a little longer.  I did get to fence in the ribbon tournament (<lj-user=Pevcov> got my last ribbon) but once I ran out of ribbons, I went over to the others who were without , and asked who wanted Antarctica, and so we all wagered parts of the world and got more fencing in.  The next day I went to the Pittsburgh fencing practice, and tried to push myself a little harder…I won’t fail at being a good fencer due to lack of effort or enthusiasm, that’s the one thing I can be sure of.

My mind feels very jumbled when I’m fencing.  There’s so much going on, but there are things I no longer think about…Saturday I kept parrying with my dagger without thinking about it during some of the bouts, for instance, I remember my wrist just twitching a little and catching the sword, all by itself.  I’m kind of excited…in a way, I figure it’s like writing.  You have to write the garbage out of your system.  I have to fence the garbage out.

 

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