cindylynn

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Cindy Lynn Speer is the author of several books and short stories, including The Chocolatier's Wife. She is also a fencer, terrible gardener, passionate reader and storyphile.
758 articles written by cindylynn

 

Tthis one was hard because of the sheer plethora of songs I like…and my horrid love of…erm…love songs.

So.  Let’s see.  “Love Me Tender” by Elvis – that’s rather lovely, isn’t it?

 

Love me tender,
Love me sweet,
Never let me go.
You have made my life complete,
And I love you so.

Love me tender,
Love me true,
All my dreams fulfilled.
For my darlin’ I love you,
And I always will.

I love the sentiments; they are so ideal.

Then, there’s also “Never Tear Us Apart” by INXS.

Here’s the video, with lovely men wandering around lovely Prague.  I was a bit of an INXS fangirl when I was younger, and sometimes when I hear this song I find myself missing Michael Hutchence just a tiny bit.  The part about the wings always struck me a little.

We could live
For a thousand years
But if I hurt you
I’d make wine from your tears

I told you
That we could fly
‘Cause we all have wings
But some of us don’t know why

I was standing
You were there
Two worlds collided
And they could never ever tear us apart

Something newer…um…aha.  Damien Rice, “Colour Me In” — I love the earnestness of this song…though I wish he’d come up with a rhyme other than “Like a dogless bone.”

So come let me love you
Come let me love you
And then… colour me in

Well I tried to control it
And cover it up
I reached out to console it
It was never enough
Never enough…

So I tried to forget it
That was all part of the show
Told myself I’d regret it
But what do I know

I love the refrain of “Come let me love you.”  Let me love you.  Let me prove myself.

 

 

 

 

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Ii am doing SO well on these, am I not?  I meant to do favorite love poem, but they were both sort of dreary.

Day 5:  Favorite Love Poem (sort of.)

When We Two Parted, but Lord Byron.  I don’t know why, but I find it so beautiful:

In secret we met--
   In silence I grieve,
That thy heart could forget, 
   Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee 
   After long years,
How should I greet thee?--
   With silence and tears.

The weekend was busy, I spent a lot of time cleaning.  I even *gasped* scrubbed the living room ceiling.  How’s that for…something?

Day 6:  Favorite Romantic Comedy

This is so hard, because…I am not really big on them.  I will watch anything if it has a favorite actor in it, but I don’t know.  What’s on my DVD shelves?  Um.  Wimbeldon.  That was cute, but I would not call it my favorite.   Bride and Prejudice was sweet.  AHA.  Got it.

A Knight’s Tale. It’s funny, and romantic.  And James Purfoy is heroic and beautiful and Rufus Sewell is evil and handsome and the jousting is so much fun.

What else did I do this weekend?  I finally bought my for myself Valentine’s Day gift, The Paper Magician series for me, some books for my mum.  When the box gets here I won’t open it until the 14th.

Day 7:  A Language I adore:

Italian.  This is actually fitting for the month — the language of romance, right?  But also because I fell in love with it when I saw a sign that said “Always kiss me goodnight” in Italian, and I loved the words so much I, for the first time, was tempted to buy a piece of art that was just words.  What’s funny is that I am trying to find the spelling for it, and there’s like, five different ways of saying it, so, forgive me if I pick one that is incorrect.

Dammi sempre il bacio della buonanotte is one way.  (On this page they also have “Ti amo tesoro mio” — I love you my darling.  Isn’t that beautiful?  I love how the language ebbs and flows.  It seems so graceful and beautiful, like water in sunshine.

I have desperately wanted to learn a language for years…I was decent in Spanish as long as I used it, I always wanted to learn French, I dabbled in Latin, but I have no ability for it.  I simply cannot remember anything.  Except curse words.  I can remember those pretty well.

 

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Iin my head, she is a magician.  Perhaps she got her name because she was a mistress of the card trick, “Following the Queen”, “Whispering Queen” – back and forth no matter how hard you try, you cannot hide from the Queen of Hearts.

And at first, she played up to it.  But it is a name with chains.  People expected a rare beauty, a Venus, someone who breathed sexuality and sensuality.  And then they saw her, and saw that she was not.  People would ask her, over and over for those same old tricks, trying to understand them, laughing in delight when, yet again, the Queen of Hearts outfoxed them.  And she is a combination of pleased and miserable, pleased that she made them happy, miserable that no one knows how far she’s come, that they don’t care nearly as much for her newer, flashier acts, such as the “Girl with the wire tattoo” and “Guillotine of Ice.”

She finds her acts getting edgier, more dangerous.  Someday, it’s going to kill her.

 

(Sorry it’s late.  I had a busy day and then went to fencing…by the time I got home I was way too tired to concentrate.)

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Ii associate pink and red with Valentine’s Day…or, as I sometimes call it, Vilentine’s Day.  Being single and almost always ready to feel less about myself, I am sometimes not prepared for the 14th of this month.  I used to be really down on it vocally, and then a wise friend, who is also single, said “Let people enjoy it.”  I felt a little ashamed – I mostly was down on it in public for the comedy factor, and did not want to make anyone feel badly.

Years ago I handled it by having a secret Valentine thingy on Live Journal.  I called it Dear Surprise – because I had opened a LJ community that was meant to be a Master and Commander letter writing RP that I never got around to doing.  I stopped doing it because I had a lot of family sickness related stress, and you had to plan the darned thing RIGHT after Christmas and I was not in the mind set.  But I should probably start it up again, it was really nice to have everyone get a little present on V-Day.  I got some neat stuff, including an awesome book.

I keep meaning to buy myself a gift this year, to give myself something to look forward to.  And get something for mum, as well.  *glances at the Calendar*  I better get on that.  I am seriously thinking about getting The Paper Magician Series by Charlie N. Holmberg.

In other news, I watched the first disc of World Without End — I liked Pillars of the Earth, and maybe my tastes have changed, but this one is so brutal.  I am sure the last one was as well, but man, I don’t know if I can watch the rest.  I am so tired of violence against women, and no one ever getting ahead.  Shows like that get to be like water boarding.  The plot keeps holding your head below the water and not letting you up except to breathe JUST enough to keep you from dying right away.

I wonder if I have become weak, lol, lost my bottle, as they say.

 

 

 

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Uugh.  These past couple of weeks have been less than ideal in this part of the world.  I heard news about a friend, very disappointing news, and since I genuinely liked him it actually hurt.  It’s funny, we go through our world doing what we do and thinking no one cares…I do, I tend to think I am very out-of-sight-out-of-mind…but maybe, maybe people do, and maybe it all does matter.

Yes.  I tend to maunder just before bed.  ANYWAY.  The entry:

The first time I ever read a romance novel was Jude Deveraux’s A Knight in Shining Armor.  It starts out as a contemporary – Douglas is in a terrible relationship.  She and her hoped for fiancé and his bratty daughter abandon her in a cemetery.  She’s broken hearted, and her sobbing can be heard by the man whose tomb she’s crying against – Nicholas Stafford, who is a prisoner in the time of Elizabeth.  Somehow she draws him forward and they try to solve the mystery of who got him into prison.  She grows as a person – he is an Earl from the 1600’s, and she becomes stronger as she deals with him, and falls in love as he changes a bit, too.  It’s splendid.  And then he gets drawn away…and she ends up following him into the past.  These chapters, too, are delightful escapism as a modern woman tries to fit in, and tries to solve the mystery.  (One of my favorite bits is when she creates a fried chicken and potato salad picnic using things from that time.  So fun.)

I remember all this, and I’ve not read the book in at least 20 years.  Most of you are probably like, “So what?”  but I barely remember what happens in Blue Moon or Unbalanced, and I wrote those books.  XD  (OK, I probably remember them about equally well, though I do have fears that I’ll write something and someone will be like “Yes, that was a cool scene…un Unbalanced!”)

I hope with the success of Outlander, maybe this book will get on the screen, too.  It has all the elements.  It is an awesome story.

In the great book purge I got rid of a ton of my romance novels – some of them don’t work for me any longer because the various pieces of baggage in my life…but I kept my Deveraux’s, as well as the books by Medieros, Quick, Kinsale and Sutcliffe.

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Wwoot. Getting this in under the wire. I wrote it partly over lunch, which was basically shoving oatmeal in my mouth and hoping to have a few minutes to myself…the beginning of this semester has been a madhouse.

Tonight I went and worked on some illumination. Might get started on that again…I love the painting aspect, once you’ve gotten the design down it’s like a medieval coloring book.

Currently I am scribbling in a plastic covered notebook with pale pink and purple stripes on the back, and circles on the front. Not normally my pattern, but I like the heavy plastic front and back covers. They travel well, I was using a mini-legal pad but the top page always gets beaten up and torn.

Mostly I don’t write much of worth in note pads. They are for ideas, things I need to do…currently I am trying to straighten out the knots in The Chocolatier’s Ghost.

I have always loved the idea of note pads. I enjoy journaling, and I used to be so much better at it. Some of it is a feeling that I have nothing to contribute, nothing that people can look at and go, “OK, someone understands something I have felt, wonderful.” Some of it was that too many people knew me in real life…when I started with the SCA I picked up a ton of fellow Live Journal friends who I would see at events. Concerned comments from people you don’t actually see are fulfilling and easy to be handled, those from people who will meet your eyes…even though I never tried to be a drama queen, I often used my journal to speak of things and try and figure out things in my life and soul. So I felt GUILTY. Like I should keep myself together more.

Which, I am sure would make my LJ friends feel badly. I don’t mean to…they are wonderful people. I feel so lucky to have them in my life.

So, I have a harder time writing. Maybe it’s also that I managed to figure the stuff out that bothered me and I don’t need to think through my fingers so much. And that might mean that I am in a better place.

But, since I am going to try and keep up with a monthly journal for the whole rest of this year…maybe I’ll get into the habit and find some treasures that I can share and find my journal voice again.

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This sticky post is so that you can follow along with my journal attempts. Check out the Journaling Junkie: http://journaling-junkie.tumblr.com/

If you participate, please comment and I’ll go read your post!

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One of the things I allowed myself to get excited about was that a friend of a friend paved the way for me to submit to his agent.

I’ve cold-submitted so many times that this one felt…especially hopeful. I had a brand new query letter written more by a friend who’s dead good at queries than myself, and I thought my package was good.

And I got a very nice email…just the right amount of encouraging without making promises…but still a rejection. It felt like it had been written especially for me, and I thought it very kind (though having spent the last week and a half writing emails to students about letting them into classes, I know very well how much words overlap. Just as there are only so many ways to tell someone that they’ve been permitted into a class, there are only so many ways of saying thanks but no.

Normally I’m like, eh. Next! But I admit, while I was my normal resigned nature, there was a little whiff of regret. You get that, though. You have to trust that it all works out for the best.

But any rejection, no matter how kind, can, if you dwell on it, awaken the normal doubts. I was more open to this one, so I had the “What if my book is utterly not able to be sold? Maybe I need to retreat to my nice, safe, independent publishing mold.” And it would be easy, to say, “You are lucky that Dragonwell is willing to publish it. You should let them have it before they change their mind.”

It’s comfortable and comforting. (By the way, Dragonwell, being incredibly awesome, supports my trying to get an agent completely.) To know you can just retreat and do what you always do. (I need to keep it a safety net, and not a safety blanket, though.)

But that’s not how you someday become a hermit, so, I am going to put myself out there again, send of another letter to another agent. Knowing that somewhere, someone has yet to tell me no is always motivating, because there is always hope that it won’t be no.

So, no giving up yet.

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So, I wanted to wish you all a wonderful New Year. I love this part of the year — the cusp of something new. S much hope, so much possibility. This was not a bad year, I finished a new book that my current editor loves so much that she has encouraged me to use it to seek an Agent, in the hope that my career can take the next step. I took my mother to Canada and we drove across the US and saw the Pacific again. I feel really lucky, to have seen some of the things that I got to see.

I took two cadets — I’m a White Scarf, which means that I am a pretty decent fencer, and I am able to take personal students. In the SCA it’s sort of like adding to your family, so that’s awesome, I’m responsible for helping their training, mentoring as needed. It’s a huge honor and rather lovely.

Lots of good odds and ends. I lost weight, took some steps towards accepting myself and accepting the idea that I am not ugly.

I want a lot of things for 2016. More travel — though I’ve not saved up for the brass ring that has England and Scotland engraved on it. Maybe next year. Hopefully I will get an agent. Finish The Chocolatier’s Ghost. Maybe learn more about screen writing.

I also want to read more about some period masters, especially study some more about the English Masters. And sew some. Oh, do I have sewing to do.

OK, enough. I want to wish you something with all my heart.

I don’t know if 2015 was good for you or not. I hope it was, but — in any case — I pray with all my heart that you will have a wonderful 2016. That every day brings you closer to your dreams. That your weeks are filled with more joy than tears. That you find at least one of your heart’s desires realized.

You are amazing for stopping by, for supporting me. Thank you darlings. Happy New Year.

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So, after a couple of times of people complimenting me on stuff that was not mine, I decided not to cross post my Tumblr. I don’t want to look like a thief or to have people think I’m more talented than I actually am.

I loved cross posting between the blog and the tumblr because then people could see everything in one place, if they were on tumblr, and people who weren’t could see beautiful things. I like sharing lovely things. (And it was a bit of cheating, it makes me look a lot more active than I am. It’s hard to come up with things to say very often, it is much easier to say, “Hey, let me share this sunset/castle/book picture that makes me happy.”)

The downside is that I will no longer have the desire to look professional on my blog reign me in any longer. “Should I REALLY repost another picture of this lovely actor and risk looking like a love struck pixie?” will no longer be answered with a no.

So, for pretty things that make me happy and inspired, check out my tumblr, or friend me there. I re-follow 96% of the time. The last one I didn’t follow was because they had a lot of naked girls, and I just didn’t feel like seeing that on my dash, especially since I sometimes check my tumblr during my lunch break at work. But I was grateful foe the follow, just the same.

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